Hard Choices, Poetry 2006-2007

Some lessons...

Learning's a gift. We learn by the problems and mistakes that we have and make. I guess that means not being perfect is a gift in its own sense.

True peace can only be found within, because if you feel it, then you have it. You can't see peace around you, feel the opposite, and truly be at peace now can you?

Something to think about....

Don't think about whether you can stand/like better the idea of being with a guy who isn't him. Think about if you can honestly be okay with the thought of him being with a girl that isn't you.

Friends don't mean they're people you have things in common with, oh no. Because love isn't perfect. And you're probably not gonna love someone who's just like you. You're gonna love someone who challenges you and makes you see things differently. So...a real best friend is more likely just to be someone who stretches you, pushes you, and changes you.

A real friend is someone who makes you think twice before making any important decision.

You know a guy really loves you when you dump him and he still puts up with your crap, along with your smiles, problems and mixed feelings about him.

Memories

5-17-07

Remember that song we danced to

the very first night we kissed

Oh baby, I hope you hear it

and I hope you remember

how you felt

I hope that when you see the stars

light up like they did

in your eyes that night

I hope that when you start to see

life like I said it should be

I hope you think of me

When the rain falls down

like it did that day

that we went swimming

when they left us alone

And we just wanted to

get lost in each other's arms

I hope you remember me

For who I was with you

And not the way

we left each other

in a bitter rage

'cause memories

are all we have now

But they're stronger than an image

When you've loved like we have

So when that rain falls down

when you hear that song

We danced to that first night

When you think true love

and your desire to be free

to be so in love that

a simple kiss

will leave you so happy

you can't speak

Baby, think of me

Never Enough
2-23-07

I'm not sure that this is right
I know it's just not fair that it is
I used to be so sure,
so sure of everything
And now I'm losing all of me
I sit here wishing it was
like it used to be
when dreams didn't know
that reality would keep them
from coming true

So I finally learned what love was
finally got someone under my skin
Far enough to be miserable enough
And learn that love isn't enough

We're both on two ends of a phone line
Neither one of us has called
Sitting here with everything
We've believed in at our hands
Growing up to learn that it's not enough

I drowned inside your soul once,
lost myself inside your arms
Forgot the harsh reality at my door
Then you went away from me
And I sat, learning that the truth isn't
something you run from
It just catches up to you in the end
But you will always be one of my dreams
that I could never keep a hold of
Because reality tore us apart
Just like it always does
And I sit, unsure of everything
wishing still that you were here
that both of us were stronger than this
that I really was stronger than you

Lonely Walk of a Shattered Faith

as submitted to http://www.gothpunk.org
Written 1-26-07

I took a walk today
walked alone on a lonely path
with tears running down my face
reflecting on the harsh words they said
They told me that I'm evil
They told me that I'm fake
Said I don't belong with them
Told me that I worshipped sin more than God
I still don't understand
I bent to my knees
too ashamed to pray
It's so hard to pick up the pieces
of a shattered faith
I look to the sky
As the tears paint my face black and grey
hoping that the God up there still loves me
even in the strangest way

Wishes

2-6-07

Don't you wish I'd disapear

that you weren't in love with me?

Don't you wish I was someone else

someone who wasn't so far away?

someone who was from your world

who didn't make you so stressed out?

Someone who didn't change their mind

someone who didn't try to hide

Don't you wish I'd make up my mind

Don't you wish we could restart

For us to go our separate ways?

'cause now this bond is becoming uncertain

And you're slipping away

Thinking something's never been there

And something else isn't gonna stay

Don't you wish you didn't love me,

that I didn't love you?

You have to wish you didn't love me

'cause, sometimes, I don't wanna love you

One Chance

3-31-07

I want to be on top of the world

I see who I am, but no one else can

Just one song, just one time

Just let eho I am inside

be revealed to the world

Let the fear of all things subside

'cause I'm running

I'm running away

Maybe someday

Someday you'll see

that my soul's got a lot more than I reveal

I just wanna believe

that it's not a dream

Just give me one chance

I threw away the opening

ran to my now hiding place

I just wanted to be

But it seems that no one sees

I wish I could do it alone

I wish I didn't have to do it alone

I wanted to say, I wanted to believe

that it's just around the corner

if I could just put myself out there

Just keep looking

look for htat light

that it'd happen

Yeah, that's what I used to believe

I'm tired of runnin'

I don't wanna run anymore

I don't wanna hide from you,

Maybe someday,

Maybe someday I can say

that I can do this

Maybe someday I'll be

Just like them

and just like me

I'm hidin' into a corner

Not talking, not reachin' out

like I thought I would

'cause none of it was like

I thought it'd be

But maybe someday

I'll get my chance

Just my one chance

This is Him

5-10-07

It this is how he'll treat one girl

this is how he'll treat them all

Open your eyes and look aside

he's just a little boy

Playing games with

our bodies and hearts

trying to make us sacrifice our souls

Girl, just open your eyes

He doesn't look at you

like he looks at me

the one thing that ever

made him feel like

he could be all that he can be

And he ran, he played

ran far away to other games

left broken girls more shattered

And too many things

that should have never been said

he destrpoyed dreams he created

walked away from the damage

yet he still smiles

when he looks at me

knowing what I said in desperation

Along with what we both said in anger,

the anger I had to override the pain

If this is how he treats one girl

this is how he'll treat the next

And if you see the way he looks at me

And if you knew what we had

You'd know he's walked away

fromt he best thing

he could ever hope for

For the sake of playing games

But, it's okay, I've got his heart

Someday you'll know when yours is

in the plam of his hand

and he plays games

just like the little boy he is

Even though he's disguised as a man

Shadows of You and Me

5-17-07

I can't see the stars tonight

But I'm writing in ink

that matches your eyes

hoping and praying your heart's

still alive tonight

And maybe you're thinking of me too

'cause I'm thinkin' of all we used to do

And how we used to be

The memories, shadows of you and me

They're all I got now

except for a hopeful phone call

that only contains

distance and heartbreak

Fears and disconnections

I'm so weak here without you

I wish you'd save me again

'cause the last time you did

I gave you my heart

I gave you all of me

Where is that now?

You don't wanna give it back

Did I take part of you with me?

My tears just keep falling

I swear I'll never trust again

'cause I miss you more than anything

I don't think I can love like this again

I don't think I want to

'cause I sealed too much on you

So go, find yourself,

figure out what you gotta do

Then come back

And tell me you love me

'cause I may be waiting for you

Missing You

5-17-07

I remember the way I felt

Every time the phone rang

Back then we were so innocent

We could stay on the phone for hours

And talk about nothing

Somehow something changed

And you ran from me

Although everybody said

the chances were higher

that I'd be ht eone

turning my back on you

Just goes to show

You can't listen to no one

But oh, how ignorance is bliss

Lately I've been findin'

I can live without you if I try

I'm just not so sure

I'll ever be able to love again

I'm sittin' here

believin' that life goes on

But only when

you've got a reason

to want tomorrow to come

It's so dangerous

'cause i still wanna

frame my future

Around someone who

hung up on me

But I remember the times

I held you when you cried

Those times I'll never forget

Baby, I felt your heart

reach out to mine

And ask me to take it

never to break it

But I guess I did

I guess we both did

Somehow it doesn't matter though

'cause I'm waitin'

for the that fateful day

when you call to say you love me

that day you'll stay

And you'll heal the pain

Baby, then we can give each other

all that we need

'cause baby there's nothin'

like what we got

And there's nothin'

like what we've made

What God has shown

What God has taught

And you better believe

there ain't nothin' like this pain

especially when sometimes

it gets peaceful

when I think of you

Because there's nothin'

and no one

like me and you

No, we're supposed to be

supposed to be together

if ever we can make it work

I remember the way I felt

when I'd see your name

when you'd call

Today I felt that over again

I wanted to tell you everything

But I was afraid to say anything

I just tried to keep my cool

You didn't stay for long

You never do

But, baby, I'm missin' you

I always do

Yeah, baby,

I'll be missing you

Look at the Sky
2-4-07

Look at the sky and watch it rain
Dance around, let the black smear from my eyes
And I'll be beautiful
'cause there's something going on today
Something new and free
that's fulfilled a void inside of me

I looked in the mirror
And accepted the girl
who never fits in
I could have obsessed over imperfections,
but beauty comes in its own forms
I wore that cross over black clothing
And I'm still the dark poet in the cornerAnd Ive still got that piercing in my nose'cause there's areason,
my heart is still full 'cause there's a reason

Look at the sky
while you're dancing in the rain
Let down your guard,
be free from shame
"Say I am Lord" he said
"And you'll be free from all sin"
It's amazing how truly simple
And accepting
True Christianity is

Gothic Christianity and Love
2-4-07

I gave up
gave up on what other people think
And gave in
went back down the road
after I found out who I am
decided not to be anywhere in between
But myself in a light
wearing black and not darkness

I looked back at what I aid
when I told you I don't need you
but want you so bad
Held up the ring you gave me
and the ring with the cross beside it
I gave up fighting happiness
'cause what we both need is to be given love
'cause there's all this love in my heart
that God and I left for you

And you took it
You cannot take it back

I called you on the phone
found some verses
I imagine now telling you everything that's hard to say
stare at the Bible while I'm crying
Letting black tears flow a black river of glory and love
Love formed with a soul tie
between two people from different worlds
and habits and wishes
That came with a loyalty
we were both looking for

I gave up, I'm giving up shame
Letting myself go
'cause I've been hurting too long
'cause I was trying to be someone I'm not
But you saw me, you saw right through me

=
True Love Conquers All

Written 12-1-06 by Jessica “Jade” Wettig

I placed my hand upon your chest

And you turned over and kissed my neck

Someone said this is what life’s about

You’ll just know when you’ve found the One

Don’t let go

It doesn’t mean you fall apart

You just come together

In a way you didn’t plan

And I feel so bad

When I’ve ever thought

That this should end

It’s not so easy

Holding onto love

And it’s not so easy

Giving God a chance

But when I kiss your mouth

It feels like something new

I’ve never felt so perfect

With anyone in the world

I never thought I could

And now it’s the only way

I have any strength

I put my arms around you

Just lay here and let

The world fall around us

We know who we are

We’re just two people

Afraid that we might fall

When the truth really is

We would have fallen long ago

If we couldn’t make it through

So let’s keep things as they are

And figure out what steps to take

And we’ll take the next one

We can do anything if we’re together

I bury my head into your skin

And close my eyes

If I can be at peace each night

Then I can handle any fight

We wrap our arms around each other

Try to stay close

‘cause it’s time to go

And tomorrow’s not promised

So this could be the last time

I just hope if that’s ever true

I die in your arms

Holding you

‘cause we’ve already made it through

This is a war we’ve already won

We might as well open up

Life’s too short to hide

In the shadows

Come on, see the sun

Follow your heart

‘cause I’m here when it starts to hurt

We both want to follow the sun and the stars

To dreams that are

Far away, on a path that’s endless

But when I look into your eyes

I know it’s okay

It’ll be okay

I know it’s okay

Not So Bad

Written 8-4-06

Here's the world
looking in the mirror
when your shirt's too short
and your stomach's not perfect
your hair's going in different directions
but overall you can decide
that you really kinda like it

Oh, you can't help but think
you've got something to prove
so you feel a little stronger
when you're becoming anorexic

Believe me, I know
when you're losing control
unsure what to do about
the things you've always wanted
And the dreams you've always had

But at leas there's someone who loves you
all the time, who makes you happy
Nothing's so bad, so wrong
if it makes you happy

Today you ate a little breakfast
'cause you're not so sure
you really wanna lose it
But right now
you're debating to get used to
eating smaller portions
or eating close to nothing
Believe me, I know

But throw that magazine away
'cause lies lies lies is all it tells
fight those voices inside your head
'cause all they say is that it's
up to you, but control
is what you want the most
(And it's what you're gonna lose)

But at least he's callin' you when he can
tellin' you to hold on tight
'cause together you both can do anything
You've got your dreams you've always had
And you're gonna regret it
if you don't try
It's what you need to make you happy
So you know it can't be that bad

Just like this all makes you feel strong
Lies lies lies is all it is
The truth is you just wanna be okay
I wanna be okay being me

'cause at least I know who I am
And someone who holds me
And doesn't run
when the days get dark
and pain starts sinking in
The sun still shines every day
And this fight I'm having
I'll find a way
to get through to just being me
'cause you know this isn't me

Drama

Written 7-27-06

All this drama gets us nowhere

And your message is

I'm not getting what I want

I'm not gonna be happy this time

Just like last time

I'm gonna be yelled at and cursed

I'm supposed to sit here,

take it, and something else

that we're not quite sure of

And me not doing it

is really getting on your nerves

I'm gonna be alone tonight

No one but you

is allowed in my world tonight

'til you say so

'cause I did something wrong

like I always do

I'm just so bad to you

I always deserve all this anger from you

All this drama just gets deeper

You make me hate my life

I can't have this

I can't have that

I can't grow up

And I can't stay young

I'm so confused

I just want out of here

'cause I'm just crashing harder

I'm never left alone

I just want out of here

before I turn out like you

Copyright 2006-2007 by Jessica Wettig