12-3-04
I've
Always Known
When
I first saw you, I knew. I just did. I saw something in you that was so extreme and deep and –bad. I couldn’t
quite place it, but now I know. I know that you have a problem that no one can help. So, I’m hoping I can. I never could
quite place why it is that I can see right through you. Really, I have no idea. I’m just hoping you can see into my
eyes and realize that I’m just this scared girl who’s afraid of losing someone she learned to love, despite everything.
I’m not sure I’ve ever had a truer friend. I’m really not. And I know that we have our entire lives ahead
of each other, which will bring me to my next point. My point is simply that you can’t waste this. I don’t care
anymore, I will do anything. I’ll even cut too just to make you know that…it hurts.
I'm Not Writing This
Jori just sat there. What was she supposed to do? Her friend cut
herself. She cut herself. But Jori was sworn to secrecy, a vow in which
now she wish she'd never kept. Never ever!
She'd take it back if she
could. Her friend trusts her. She really does. But, Jori's scared.
Jori sat alone in her room that night. She cried even. She'd never
been
more scared in her life. It wasn't just once that her friend was doing
this, she'd been doing it for months and
months on end. She said that
there's just no other way she can deal with her problems. She said
that things get hard.
That they get so hard. Sometimes she doesn't know
what to do or where to turn. Sometimes life seems hopeless.
Jori wanted to take her pain away so badly she would hurt herself
instead. But she couldn't. And she couldn't just break her of this
habit either. But she also couldn't live like this.
Janis opened her locker that morning to find a folded piece of paper
fall
out. Her eyes filled with tears as she read, alone in the hallway,
slowly making herself late for class:
Janis,
I'm not writing this to make you mad. I'm not writing this to lose
you.
You're one of my best friends and I can't let anything happen to you.
I promised I wouldn't tell, but I have to.
I told the counselor this
morning. If you don't wanna talk to me right now or ever, it's okay.
I won't even hold it
against you. I'd rather have you hate me than for
you to hurt yourself. I'm not trying to be some kind of hero. I just
want
to help you, but I can't. I'm praying someone else can.
I wrote this so you'd hear it from me. It's easier to write it than
to
tell it to you in person. I hope one day you can forgive me.
love,
Jori
__________________________
Sometimes when we love someone we have to be cruel to be kind.
Sometimes
the right thing is the hardest. And sometimes it's so hard
to believe it's even the right thing because it only seems to
make it
worse.
Just keep believing. Because in the end, the right thing is the thing
you won't regret. It might
hurt you. But, all in all, it's the right
thing. And the right thing is never truly punished
Copyright 2004 by Jessica Wettig
